Oral-B

Bad Ad: A woman tries to make her dentist's cleaning tool reach all the way from the office to her house, but the cord it's attached to doesn't quite make it. She gets only to her front door.

A cartoon shows how Oral-B toothbrushes clean as well as the dentist's equipment.

My Aditude: I will always condemn an ad that uses a cartoon to "scientifically" convince me of anything. If you can't show me the real thing, then don't bother trying. Your cartoon could be inaccurately portraying what you're really trying to describe.

Marketing failure: Commercials that try to persuade through cartoons should always fail to succeed. This is one of many that does just that. Prove to me through the use of real people and their clean teeth that your product is as good as a professional's.

Geicko - Take 4

Bad Ad: A lady is sitting outdoors in a public place, perhaps a busy downtown area, receiving messages on her cell phone. The messages are from the bundle of cash with the googly eyes on top, which is the money she could be saving if she switched to Geico.

My Aditude: The cash doesn't have a cell phone. There's not even one lying near it -- not that it could use it in any way, shape, or form. So how are the messages being sent?

Why didn't the woman notice the cash just sitting there in front of her until directed by the cell phone messages? I'll pick up a penny when I see it, but she (or anyone else around) didn't even see this wad?

And why isn't she upset about seeing the cash? Supposedly she understands it's money that should be hers but isn't.

I was hoping that my previous Geico post was going to be my last, but I just couldn't resist trashing this one too. Sorry.

Marketing failure: The premise here is virtually the same as the ones in my 2nd Geico post. It doesn't work here either. More of a bad thing -- creepy cash plus misplaced smiles -- don't succeed due to sheer volume.

US Cellular

Bad Ad: A talking robot twirls one end of a jump rope. A young girl twirls the other end as her friend jumps in the middle. The robot suddenly stops twirling the rope to tell us about the US Cellular battery swap program. The girl twirling the rope looks (understandably) puzzled about the robot's actions (or lack thereof). We don't get to see how the jumping girl reacts.

My Aditude: Why does US Cellular have a robot for a spokesman(?) in the first place? There isn't much he (It has a male voice.) does or says that is typically robotic, so why not have a human play the role? Would that have been too expensive?

Why is this set in a jump rope scene? What does that have to do with swapping batteries? Nothing.

Marketing failure: This ad is supposed to appeal to cell phone owners who don't remember or don't like to or don't want to plug in their cell phones to recharge them regularly. Or perhaps for those who have phones that don't hold a charge very well. The problem is that there aren't many children who could take advantage of a battery swap plan like this, mainly because they can't drive yet.

Charles Schwab

Bad Ad: Semi-cartoonish people talk about getting help with their investments.

My Aditude: Why take (apparently) real humans and turn them into human-cartoon crossbreeds? It's creepy.

Marketing failure: Any good ideas, related to Schwab or anything else, are lost on the investing audience due to the other-worldly effects of the cartoonization. What positive effect could possibly have been intended with this dehumanization?

Levi's

Bad Ad: A male voiceover recites a small portion of Walt Whitman's poem Pioneers! O Pioneers! as we watch random scenes of young people doing random things or doing nothing at all. There is one shot near the middle of the ad that shows someone putting on Levi's jeans. And then there's the Levi's logo at the end along with the phrase, "Go forth."

My Aditude: This is one of those ads where it's nearly impossible to tell what is being promoted. You'd never find out just from listening to the poem. There's no recognizable theme music to guide you. You really have to be watching at the very end for a second or so, or else you miss it entirely. Why not appeal to more senses with your product's image? Are you that much better than everyone else and that well-known that you don't need to? Maybe.

Marketing failure: Apparently the random images are supposed to appeal to folks younger than me. Maybe they do; maybe they don't. Again, if you can't hold the young folks' attention to the end of the spot, you've lost your chance at a sale because they will have missed what you're in the marketplace to sell. Maybe the young folks like to be thought of as pioneers, but will the voice of the older gentleman doing the voiceover lead them to think this ad is for and about them? Wouldn't a bit of catchy music do just as well in addition to or instead of the poem? How about a younger person reading Whitman? I'm guessing most younger folks have never heard of Whitman and/or this poem before. I bet they think it's something new and would be surprised to find out it's not even something from their era. The poem was first published in 1855. Might that turn them off? Sure, the poem is supposed to transcend the times, but will the young folks take it that way?

What about us older folks? Doesn't Levi's want to sell to us? This ad will appeal to far fewer of us than to the younger folks -- possibly for many of the reasons already mentioned.

DiGiorno Pizza

Bad Ad: A man sets a pepperoni pizza down on a table. Combined with the weight of the fairly large table, the abundant toppings apparently are too much for the second(?) story floor to tolerate. The floor gives way (under the table only), and the table and pizza fall, intact, to the level below where two young men gladly welcome the intrusion. The man above who set the pizza down is far more concerned about getting the pizza back than the condition of the rooms or the health and safety of the people. He argues with the young men about getting the pizza back, as they lie to him and keep the pizza for their next meal. They too are unconcerned about the larger situation.

My Aditude: I think this is just silly -- and not in a Monty Python funny way. No one is the least bit concerned about anything but the pizza itself. There is no pizza that is that good. It is implied that lying is okay as long as you get what you want. Perhaps the gentleman from upstairs would eventually do something about the young men stealing the pizza, but we never get to find out.

Marketing failure: This is supposed to appeal to pizza lovers who like NFL football. Maybe I'm wrong, but I would like to think that most of these viewers would consider the circumstances portrayed in this commercial more important than the pizza, that they would consider outright lying to be totally unacceptable, and that they would thus not consider buying this brand of pizza based on this ad.

Viagra

Bad Ad: A middle-aged man talks to his reflection in storefront windows while walking down the sidewalk. His reflection tries to convince him to talk to his doctor about his E.D.

My Aditude: First of all, I have a question or two about anti-E.D. commercials in general. Are there really that many men who need these products? And haven't the ones who do need them already found out about them and are using them, if they so choose? Do we really need to see these ads with the frequency that we do?

That said, if you're going to advertise a man talking with or to himself, how realistic is it to think that a grown man would speak aloud in public to his reflection in a window? Yes, I understand that this process is really only taking place inside his head, but the ad writers have him talking out loud for everyone to hear. Does no one notice this guy having a one-sided conversation? I suppose there may be some people out there who would do this, but not an otherwise normal-looking gentleman like this guy.

If you really want to let us in on the dialog inside his head, make it more fanciful still and less public. Use the little angel on one shoulder and devil on the other gag.

Marketing failure: The message here -- in case you missed it -- is that you should talk to your doctor about this problem. And that's where this ad fails, because the viewer is more drawn to the unreal, public conversation than to the message buried within it.

Volkswagen

Bad Ad: A man and woman are riding in a car down the streets of a city. There are words and phrases in the air which, although they should just be computer graphics for the TV audience to see, the couple can also see them. In addition, the words are affected by the motion of their car and by other elements along their path, such as tree branches, microphones, and talking VWs. Near the end of the spot, the man driving the car says, "I think we were just in a car commercial."

My Aditude: Unbelievable. We're supposed to suspend our disbelief for scenarios like this, but this is too much. There are just too many layers of nonsense. I guess the driver's line at the end is supposed to be humorous, but it falls flat. The only slightly redeeming feature of this ad are the word graphics themselves. They do truly appear to be real as they interact with the environment.

Marketing failure: This ad is supposed to appeal to adult drivers who are in the market for a new car and who may like Family Guy. What is there about this approach that would make anyone want to buy a VW? If the voiceover is telling us anything interesting or useful, it's totally lost due to the overpowering (albeit ridiculous) visuals. Are we supposed to think that we'll be able to see such abnormal things if we ride around in a VW? Would that be a good thing?

Wendy's

Bad ad: "Bob, my office. Now." Bob leaves behind his Wendy's burger with bacon. The aroma of the unattended bacon and burger causes all of Bob's coworkers to swiftly advance on Bob's vacated cubicle in an attempt to be first to snatch the food. Smashing through inner windows, shoving competitors into water coolers, and leaping from the tops of cube walls are just some of the antics Bob's friends(?) put themselves through in the process.

My Aditude: Why on earth would Bob just leave his lunch on his desk in the first place? Wouldn't he at least wrap it up to keep it warm? Obviously the coworkers overreact to the situation, and that's the point Wendy's is trying to make -- that their food warrants such behavior. It doesn't. Not that I don't enjoy food from Wendy's once in a while, but this approach turns me off from making a purchase whether I'm hungry at the time or not. Hello, Burger King.

Marketing failure: This ad tries to appeal to hungry NFL fans. The way to appeal to them is by showing great food, not stupid office workers. This may have some interest for children who like slapstick but not for the rest of us.

AutoTrader Big Guy

Bad Ad: [Cue "Godzilla" by Blue Oyster Cult] A giant human picks up cars -- smashing dealership windows as needed -- to examine them close up in order to make an educated decision about which one to buy.

My Aditude: This is supposed to illustrate that AutoTrader is changing the way consumers shop for new cars. The bulk of the ad doesn't really show that at all...I understand it's a metaphor, of sorts. At the very end, the Big Guy is shown in front of his laptop searching through the offerings at the AutoTrader Web site. Obviously that's what he's really been doing all along, but the idea doesn't transfer well from the earlier scene (where he's scaring a lot of people half to death) to the online research scene.

Marketing failure: This ad is supposed to attract the attention of drivers who want a new/different car and who are also NFL fans. Maybe if the Big Guy had been wearing a #4 jersey (green or purple) it would have had more appeal. Maybe. ... Nah, it's just too silly.

Geico - Take 3

Bad Ad: A pothole talks about the damage it has just done to a car that rolled over it. "Did I do that?" a la Steve Urkel.

My Aditude: Seriously? There's nothing witty or surprising about this ad. It's frankly rather boring.

This is the last review I hope to do about Geico. Some will probably despise the gecko commercial line as much as the three reviewed here, but I think Geico should stick solely with the little green guy. Be careful, guys, not to let that inept human VP get too much air time though. He's had his 15 minutes (or seconds). Let the gecko do the talking. Nice touch with the glasses he's been holding lately too.

Marketing failure: The intended audience here is insurable drivers who like Family Guy. Family Guy may include some lame scenes from time to time, but most of it is far more intelligent than this talking pothole. It doesn't convince us to switch to Geico.

Geico - Take 2

Bad Ad(s): I'll mention two Geico ads here that use the same theme -- a wad of wrapped bills, with a pair of googly eyes on top, that is intended to look like a human face. In the first ad, a young man is practicing freethrows on a basketball court. Someone (or something) off-camera throws a ball that hits him in the arm, distracting him from his shot. He turns to see the wad of cash. The music starts, and he smiles.

In the second ad, a man is eating in a small diner. His gaze turns to the counter where he spots the wad of cash. The music starts. He walks over to remove the clear cover from a plate of donuts and place it over the cash, softening the music. He should leave it there but instead raises it slightly. The volume rises, and he smiles.

My Aditude: The money is what these guys supposedly could be saving if they switched to Geico. Why are they happy to see money that's not theirs? It should make them as sad as the cavemen in the other Geico commercials because they have insurance from the "wrong" company.

The wad of bills is almost as creepy as the smiling king in the Burger King ads. Just go away.

Marketing failure: As in Geico - Take 1, this ad is intended at least for insurable adults who are American football fans. Again Geico fails to convince them to switch, this time because of the creepy cash and the out-of-place smiles.

Geico...Take 1

Bad Ad: Two cavemen buddies are enjoying a game of bowling. A caveman friend, with face downcast, enters the alley, and the two invite him to join them in the game. He is overjoyed. After several frames of a rollicking good time, they finally notice something printed on the pin resetting machinery at the far end of the lane. It says, "So easy a caveman could do it. Geico." Their night is shattered, and presumably they will leave the alley shortly thereafter in despair over how the world (or Geico, at least) thinks of them.

My Aditude: This is just one in a series of ads from Geico involving cavemen. The first one, maybe two, were mildly humorous. Those put out recently are sadder than the cavemen themselves.

Why are there apparently only two or three cavemen in the world? Why are there any at all? Haven't we supposedly evolved* into something better than that? If so, why are these guys still around?

I like bowling, but do these down-trodden cavemen have nothing better to do than go bowling? Why aren't they out creating a better reputation for themselves? Or.... Oh, wait. I just figured out why they're bowling by themselves. A couple of them ditched a pair of very nice young ladies in an earlier ad!

But the thing that really gives me a bad aditude here is that they don't notice the hurtful slogan down by the pins for several frames into the game. Did someone suddenly slap the decals onto the machinery halfway through the 6th frame? Were they having such a great time that they simply didn't notice it earlier? Or are they perhaps rather dull and deserving of the stereotype that Geico wants to pin on them?

Marketing failure: The intended audience includes insurable adults who like the National Football League (NFL). I don't think that group of people are swayed to turn to Geico because of this ad. They would more likely think that Geico is not up their alley.

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*I don't believe in evolution of the Darwinian type.